10 Tips to Build a Relationship with Your Neighbor

We’ve experienced the pitfalls, and learned what it takes to create a loving, encouraging, and safe environment to explore the Bible with people from a variety of faith backgrounds. We are incredibly thankful for our remarkable community that has graciously stuck with us as we’ve stumbled along over the years.

The following tips are things that we’ve learned along the way and can be used when entering into a relationship with anyone who believes differently than you, especially around the Bible.

1. MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE AT

Get outside your comfort zone. Be willing to say “yes” when invited to activities, and go where they are in order to meet your neighbors and build deeper relationships with them.

Do life together. Your first interaction and your only interaction with your neighbors will not be solely centered around the Bible. Walk alongside them, regardless of where they are on their faith journey, and simply do life together.

Invite people outside your faith tradition to study the Bible. It may feel more comfortable to study the Bible with someone who shares your faith or is willing to come to your church building. Yet your neighbor may be interested in exploring the Bible, but hasn't been invited to a Bible study or may not be comfortable with an unfamiliar church setting. Consider a neutral location, like a home, park, or restaurant, and remember Bible study doesn’t have to be a large group - you can just start with one person.

2. FOCUS ON FRIENDSHIP

Find common ground. Find ways to relate to and understand those who believe or live differently than you by discovering what they enjoy and value, and how their experiences have impacted their life and beliefs.

Build trust. Authentic and vulnerable relationships cannot take place without trust first being established. Trust takes time and a track record - so be patient and focus on building a long-term friendship.

Prioritize relationships over agendas. Let love be your guide as you care more about building a friendship than making a point. No one cares what you know until they know that you care.

Have fun. While the Bible should be taken seriously, that doesn’t mean we have to lose our sense of humor. Being a friend means being able to laugh and enjoy the time you have together. Humor also can diffuse tense situations if they arise.

3. ASK QUESTIONS

Focus on curiosity, not criticism. Don’t criticize someone's beliefs or traditions, rather show genuine interest by asking questions that help you understand where they’re coming from such as, “I’d love to learn more about…. What does that look like?” or “What does that mean to you?” or “I can see this is very important to you, can you help me understand why?”

Don’t pressure someone to answer. Allow people to sit with ambiguity as they wrestle with questions. Give them the freedom to process new ideas and perspectives on their own and follow up with you later if they desire.

Encourage others to ask questions. One of the biggest fears that surrounds joining a Bible study is “I don’t know enough,” but there are no stupid questions and we’re all learning. The more questions you ask about the Bible and its message, the more everyone will learn.

Use discernment. Keep in mind that some questions may be better addressed one-on-one outside of group time (such as questions that are very personal, pertain to just one person, or deviate from the topic too much).

Download a printable/digital version of the Neighbor Guide, with exclusive Reflection Questions to consider how to engage your neighbor well.

Get Printable GUIDE

CHECK OUT 10 TIPS VIDEOS

4. LISTEN WELL

Listen first. Put others first and care more about being interested in others than being interesting yourself or making a point.

Listen to understand. Make sure you heard them correctly and understand what they meant by rephrasing what was said and clarifying “What I heard you say is…. Is that correct?” or “Is this what you’re asking?” or “Did I answer your question?”

Listen for ways to take the conversation deeper. Listen for what may be going on below the surface and ask why they feel a certain way or how an experience impacted them, their relationships, or their faith.

Listen for ways to relate. When someone expresses a part of their life, vulnerably share how a similar experience made you feel. Just be careful not to hijack the conversation, but instead invite others back in by asking if they’ve experienced anything similar.

Listening does not equal agreement. Respectfully listening to others helps people feel known and loved, but does not mean you agree with them. Be willing to accept someone’s point of view as their own by giving people space to process and share without interruption, fixing, or hijacking the conversation.

5. DON’T ASSUME

Don’t assume what someone believes. Avoid assuming you know what or how strongly someone believes something based on the title/label they give themselves (religious or otherwise).

Get to know an individual’s beliefs. Avoid making generalizations such as “we believe'' or “you believe” and instead say, “I believe” to allow each individual to share where they personally are at in their faith journey and to relieve any pressure to outwardly hold to a particular belief system or worldview.

Ask clarifying questions. Rather than assuming you’re on the same page or that you know what someone means, ask clarifying questions such as, “I’m really interested in what you're saying, what do you mean by _____?” or “I’m not familiar with something you said and I’d love to understand where you’re coming from. What do you mean by _______?”

Acknowledge differences. Once trust is established, be open to exploring differences in beliefs, backgrounds, or upbringing in a respectful way, looking for a better understanding of each other. Just remember to focus on curiosity, not criticism.

6. HONOR EVERYONE’S FAITH JOURNEY

Be patient. Let everyone belong before they believe as they learn and grow on their own timeline.

Let compassion triumph over judgment. Recognize that everyone has room to grow in their personal relationship with God and their understanding of the Bible, including yourself! Extend the love and grace to each other that God extends to each and every one of us.

Focus on transforming yourself, not changing others. Remember that it’s God’s job to transform a person’s heart and mind, not yours.

7. CLARIFY LANGUAGE

Discover what someone means. Different faith traditions often assign different meanings to the same words (e.g. grace, repentance, etc). As a result, we can end up talking past each other, never realizing we’re not on the same page. If you think this might be happening, pause and say, “Tell me what you mean by that” or “What do you mean when you say ________?”

Determine the Biblical context. Recognize that not everyone may understand some of the more misunderstood or complex words found in the Bible (e.g. righteousness, sovereign, redemption, etc), especially if they didn’t grow up hearing them. Take the time to look up and discuss the Biblical definition to ensure everyone’s on the same page. (The CHARA Bible Study Guide will help!)

8. READ THE BIBLE ON ITS OWN TERMS

Set aside your biases and assumptions. We all show up with different beliefs about the Bible and its message based on our background, experiences, and faith traditions. But the goal is to hear the message of the Bible the way the original audience would have heard it, not the way we want to hear it or are predisposed to hearing it.

Leverage the CHARA Bible Study Guide. Discover the original meaning of the text by learning how to read the Bible on its own terms, in the context and culture of its day. This will also help diffuse any tension surrounding differences people may have when interpreting scripture.

9. PRAY TOGETHER

Open and/or close in prayer. Invite God to guide the conversation as you open up the Bible together. Pray for a renewed heart and mind to better understand its message and live out what you’ve learned.

Share prayer requests. Asking how you can be praying for each other during the week is a great way to make Bible study more personal by engaging the heart. Develop deeper friendships by checking in with each other during the week or the next time you meet.

Invite others to pray. Hearing how others pray and relate to God can be inspiring and impactful for people’s walk with Jesus. It’s important not to force it, but to allow space for it. Not everyone will be comfortable praying at first in a group, and that’s okay.

10. SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS

Creating a safe and welcoming environment is important for any Bible study group, and it’s especially important for groups with a variety of faith backgrounds and beliefs. One way to do this is by establishing goals and guidelines that help new people know what to expect and help everyone know how they can respectfully contribute.

Keep in mind that not everyone may be coming to Bible study for the same reason, so we recommend starting by establishing a goal that everyone can agree on, such as:

GOAL: Grow in our understanding of the Bible and each other

Once you’ve established your goal, it becomes easier to create a few guidelines that will help your group be purposeful in achieving that goal. In fact, you could even print the guidelines on a bookmark or send them around via email, if desired. Here are a few examples of guidelines that we’ve used with our groups that you can potentially use - each of them is centered around loving God and loving your neighbor. Consider these or write your own:

GUIDELINES:
1. Center the conversation around the Bible
Focus on our shared desire to better understand the Bible
2. Read the Bible on its own terms
Discover the original meaning of the text
3. Honor everyone’s faith journey
Welcome others to learn and grow on their own timeline

These guidelines are a simple way for you to set expectations as a group, without having to run through the full Neighbor Guide together.

To learn how to start, host, or lead a Bible study, be sure to check out our Bible Study Leader Guide.